dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
