Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize