so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
