Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
