he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize