Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
