I wish I could teleport
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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