Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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