My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
