big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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