your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize