Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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