Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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