oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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