Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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