Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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