when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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