we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
