This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize