I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
