So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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