do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
