the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize