this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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