just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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