you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
