mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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