i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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