Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
