Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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