I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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