So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
