I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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