maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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