i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
