dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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