I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
