youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
