I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
