toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
