so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
