Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
