if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
