We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize