38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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