Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
