Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
