Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
