I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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