he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
