My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize