i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
