So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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