the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
