airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
