It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
