Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We named our party play list daddy issues
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize