You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
