My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
