By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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