my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
