i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
