Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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