did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
