Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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