i barfeds in our rink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
