Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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