What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
farters have to be the big spoon...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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