Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize