filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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