I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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