dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life is pants optional.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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