Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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