absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
