Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
