So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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